Have I said how much I dislike cancer treatment? I hate it because of so many things it's doing to my body, and I am so looking forward to the day that I will be finished with it. Today, my hands have some neuropathy in them, and it feels more like mild arthritis than anything, but I can feel a pullling sensation as I type. It's not in my fingertips and toes, though, and for that I'm grateful.
I said goodbye to Taxol on Thursday as it was my last treatment of that drug and all of its fun side effects. I know pretty much what it will do to me in the days that follow the treatment--fairly constant, uneasy feeling in my stomach, a breathless-type of feeling, extreme thirst for about 48 hours, achiness up through about day five and a tiredness that I can't explain.
Last night Barry could tell I didn't feel well as I was laying down to go to bed, and he made the mistake of asking me if I was going to be okay. I nearly bit his head off and did everything but curse at him. I started crying and told him I was suffering from the side effects of chemo, and he just needed to leave me alone. Of course I wasn't okay. I'm sure all he saw was someone eerily like Linda Blair with her head spinning, and the only thing missing was the green pea soup, but with very little effort, I could have probably accommodated.
Although I believe I have faired better than most people on Taxol, I haven't enjoyed how it makes me feel. I move to two new drugs in a few weeks, and since those side effects are to be determined, I am anxious to say the least. I have read just enough about the drugs to make me uncomfortable, and I've known people who have taken these drugs and know enough from their side effects to feel uncertain about what's in store for me.
Four more chemo treatments, though, and then ALL I'll have to face is radiation. Woo hoo! And radiation will be another chapter altogether.
My boss, Mike, and my co-worker, Tracy, came by to see me during chemo Thursday, and they came bearing a gift, but this time it was for Barry -- a Susan G. Komen tie from Bauman's in Little Rock. Thank you, Mike and Cathy!
In the midst of the discomfort and change in my life, God has blessed me in so many ways. It's difficult to explain, but just being reminded of the fragility of life and of how dear our friends, family and co-workers are has been such a blessing. Little things have become more dear to me -- freshly baked bread smells better, a hot bath feels more comforting, clean sheets are even softer, and a kind act or gift from a friend means so much more to me.
Here on day three after my 4th round of chemo, I have been able to cook and clean my home, and that means so much to me, to be able to do for my family. I love them dearly and don't always show it when I'm not feeling my best, but doing for them makes me feel a bit better. Hopefully they will catch a glimpse of the real "me" as my head spins on occasion.
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