October 7, 2010

Barry and I went to the oncologist this morning, and I don't know what I was thinking as to how the appointment would go, but it wasn't quite what I expected. My first visit there was before we knew the cancer had metasticized to the lymph nodes, so things had changed, just a bit.

Dr. Obaji is a very soft spoken man, and he is a Muslim. We ran into a friend there just before my appointment, and she had just seen Dr. Obaji, and she said of him that he is the "most Christian Muslim" she has ever been around, and she loves him! That was enough for me. And I did like him, which is a good thing since he will be having such an impact on my life over the next year. He let me ask questions and was so kind to Barry and me in the appointment. I know some of you may feel I am sharing more of my life than you might, but this is where I am, and it's difficult to think of much else right now without it relating to cancer. And I'm typing this at work with my boss in the next room, but I am more afraid of cancer than I am of him! LOL!

Here is what Dr. Obaji has laid out for my treatment plan:

1. PET scan in the next two weeks which we are praying will be negative;
2. A port-a-cath will be placed in my chest in the next two weeks with an outpatient surgical procedure;
3. I will start chemo on October 28, and I will continue with a chemo treatment every three weeks for a total of eight treatments (Taxol and Herceptin for 4 treatments, then Cytoxan and Adriamycin for 4 treatments);
4. Possibly a second PET scan at the end of this 24-week period;
5. A short break from chemo, and then radiation (I think daily) for 5-6 weeks;
6. Then additional chemo in the form of Herceptin for 42 weeks (once every three weeks for 14 visits).
7. Then depending on whether this has pushed me through menopause, I will take Tamoxifen or Femara daily for about five years.

This is all very daunting to me, and I cried as we left the doctor's office. I cried when I got back to my office where the boss greeted me at the door with a large pumpkin, and although it made me laugh and then smile at the thought of my neatnik boss picking out pumpkins, I soon had us all in tears again telling my tale. And I'm not going to feel sorry for myself for too long, but I am not doing too well today with all of this news. I have way too much to do to be dealing with cancer! This is messing up my life right now, and if there was any way around the path that I have to go, I would go there.
So many of you have been so kind and helpful, and I know it is difficult to know what to say or do for someone who has cancer. And I don't know what to tell you either other than to keep ministering to them, because it is a very "alone" feeling to have this disease. I don't want a port-a-cath in my body. And I don't want my hair to fall out after two chemo treatments either. But these are things I am dealing with in my life.
I had them put off chemo a week so that we could go to OBU's Homecoming without me having any residual effects of treatment since we've had plans to go since last Spring. After I come back, we hit the chemo regimen, and this will be a part of my life for quite a while.
I am learning some things already along this journey, and one is that people of all ages, shapes, sizes and socio-economic groups get cancer. No one asks for it. But because of the expense involved in tests and treatment, there needs to be a patient advocate for people who don't know where to turn for help. I am lucky in that I have several insurance policies to take care of me and my family.

Please continue to pray for us when you can. I have so much on my mind right now that I may not be very good on the phone, but eventually I will be okay to talk if you call. I don't like crying, and I've cried a bushel lately.

So right now I'm waiting on appointment dates for a PET scan and for my port-a-cath "surgery", and I need to get on the business of getting a wig! Lots to do, and so little time. I almost feel like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland being late for a very important date. =)