I've been duly chastised by my mother and Aunt Judy about not updating my CaringBridge site. I just figured I wouldn't bother folks if I was doing fine, and no news is good news! I really shouldn't assume that everyone knows I'm doing fine right now, so I'll try to do a better job of posting. :)
It took me ten full days to recover from my last chemo which was on March 10th. I didn't REALLY feel good until last Sunday, March 20th. I know that sounds crazy, but I had major nausea for the first four days, then just regular nausea off and on all day for the next six days. The Emend that I took did not help me at all, so I finally just doped myself with Phenergan when I couldn't stand it any longer. I drank lots of 7-Up with grated fresh ginger, and it would help for a bit, then the nausea would come roaring back like an lion on the prowl.
The nausea that I've had is one where I feel better temporarily if I just eat a little something, but by the end of the day, I've eaten enough to where I'm miserable and ready to throw up. I'm up 15 pounds from last September, and I'm not worrying about it until after I finish chemo. With all of the steroids and other meds they've given me, there is no fighting the weight gain. Some of my other chemo buddies (women fighting breast cancer) are having the same issues, so I'm not alone. I thought I'd lose weight on chemo, but I haven't, and frankly I'm glad that I haven't been prone to throwing up. And my boss did put up the sign on his bathroom door at work that said, "No Puke Zone." So what's a girl to do?
So here I am on the Sunday before my last chemo, my 8th chemotherapy session, my final chemotherapy set for March 31st, dreading what I have ahead of me. I know that I'll be sick this time next week, and I've worked my tail off this weekend trying to get myself organized. I've cleaned out two bookshelves and dusted, I've done laundry, I've ironed and I still have things I want to do. I'm just so thankful that I've felt well enough to be up and about and active.
As I approach this last chemo, it's not without other fears. Yes, I'm concerned about the overwhelming nausea, but I'm also concerned about that portion of my treatment ending. My brain is telling me that as long as I'm getting chemo, my body is in "safe mode" and the treatment will keep cancer at bay. I still have six weeks of radiation ahead of me to cap off my treatment, and I'm dreading that, but I am hopeful that it won't be debilitating. My greatest fear with radiation is lymphedema, but I'm going to take it one day at a time and not dwell on that possibility.
On a different note, we went to dinner last night at one of our favorite steak places, and when we walked in, the waitress who knows us from eating there in the past said, "Ooo, you got your hair cut! It looks so good!" I took Mary by the elbow and whispered in her ear that I was in the midst of cancer treatment and that it was a wig, and then she just went all, "Nuh uh! I know that's not a wig! "Girrrrllll, you look good! You need to tell me where to go and get me a wig!" It was pretty funny and LOUD and she went on and on about it throughout our dinner, but she gave us extra special attention.
Barry took some pictures of the girls and me before we left to go and eat, and when we came back, I uploaded the pictures to the computer and didn't really care for any of them--mainly because I didn't like the way I looked in the photos. I've put on weight, I felt I looked like I was sick and I basically just didn't like my picture. But the girls like one in particular, so I let Kelsey upload that one to Facebook. Barry said this afternoon that he wanted to use the photo as his profile picture. When he said that, I told him not to do it because I just didn't like how I looked right now, that I was so overweight and puffy. And this is the honest truth, he looked at me and said, "If it makes any difference at all, when I look at you, I see the same person now that I saw the day we got married." Yes, I started crying because it was so sweet and sincere. I think I'll keep him.
That's one of the major reasons I've been able to get through this so well, if there is an easier way to get through cancer treatment. I've had an amazing support system of family and friends, and I can't imagine going through any of this without any of you. Thank you for everything you've done for me and for the prayers you've said on my behalf. :)
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