Tomorrow marks the end of ten months of cancer treatment, and although I haven't enjoyed the time in treatment, I am a little frightened of being finished. With the pain and discomfort I've experienced, I've known the cancer was being battered and torn apart with each chemical or shot from the laser beam. My consolation of being finished with treatments at the doctor's office is that I will be taking Tamoxifen for at least five years to keep down estrogen levels, and I'm told my breast cancer was estrogen fed. Take that, cancer!
Someone told me the other day that they hadn't called me or written to me since my diagnosis because they didn't know what to say. I told them that I was pretty much the same way toward others before I was diagnosed myself. But oh my goodness what a tiny tumor can make in my attitude toward this dreaded disease.
I have learned that people with cancer do not need to be left alone to heal on their own. They NEED cards, letters, notes of encouragement, occasional meals, a little happy every now and then, a cup of Sonic ice, gift cards, money for doctor's bills or "to go" food. A diagnosis and the treatment of cancer can literally consume a person, making it difficult for them to function anywhere near normal, and just getting through the day can be a major accomplishment.
I have been so fortunate to be blessed with friends and family who have been attentive to me during this great unpleasantness. I know that Barry and the girls are so glad for me getting closer to being "back to normal", and I love them for their patience. I don't think they always understood, but they were always good to help me in any way they could. What more could I ask?
And I can't even begin to tell people how fortunate I have been with my job and the people I work with. Seeing me on a daily basis, my good friend, Tracy, would know when I was having a particularly difficult time, and I don't know how many times she had a little suss in my chair just to brighten my day or try to help me to feel better. Each time I had chemo, Mike and Cathy Mayton would send a gift to me to give me courage--that first gift included the pink boxing gloves and the sign they painted that said, "Fight Like a "Girl"! And that's been just what I've tried to do, fight as hard as I could along the way. On Friday, Cathy Edwards had a bouquet of flowers on my desk just to help me feel better--she knew how much the burn on my neck was hurting me. Other co-workers have given me gifts of money and gift certificates for food and sent flowers along the way. I think I'm one of the most fortunate people in the world to be blessed with this type of work family.
So many friends have been there to stand in the gap for us--Janie for taking me to and from treatment many times or being with me at the hospital for different procedures. Bless her heart for having to watch me "lose my cookies" more than once!
My EEE friends have sent notes of encouragement, flowers and food, and it's been 28 years since we were classmates. Lots of loyalteee! I just love my gal pals!
My small group circle of friends have been wonderful prayer warriors, and they've also brought food and sent cards and letters to help me heal. Three of ten in the group have dealt with cancer issues, and more than that have had close relatives who fought cancer.
Faith Baptist Church of Cabot sent the wonderful lap blanket early on, and I have continued to get cards each month from them to lift me up.
Hillside Baptist Church in Camden has sent me prayer cards every single week, and I just love those folks! Our girls were born when we lived in Camden, and that place holds a special place in my heart. What a wonderful ministry, and I always think of the postage expense they have shouldered over the years to continue sending out prayers cards--what a blessing!
There have been so many who have just dropped by to bring something or who have helped us in some way, and for each of you, I am so grateful. I still get a card every single Monday from a lady in Enid, Oklahoma who prays for me daily. Amazing.
I pray first each morning for my friends who have been affected by cancer whether they are survivors, family members or individuals in the throes of treatment. I want to lift them to God first because I know some of the issues they're facing.
As to my continuing journey, my last radiation is tomorrow, and then I won't see the radiation oncologist for two weeks. The skin on my neck was at its worst this past Thursday, and it was a very uncomfortable day. I had to wear a bandage over the burn on my collarbone (3 1/2" X 2" area) when we went to Memphis that day, and when I took off the bandage, nearly all the skin came off with it. Yes, it hurt like the dickens, but once all the skin came off, it's been better and better ever since. I still have a nasty-looking place on my neck and collarbone, but it's not so gruesome that I can't go out and about with that area exposed.
I'm also still not wearing a bra because of the discomfort, but I am hopeful that I can wear one in the next couple of weeks. The skin is just too warm and fragile to wear anything that fits snugly in the treated area.
I see the chemo oncologist in just over two weeks, and he will draw blood and check tumor markers once again. I'm hopeful all future visits will be uneventful, but I'm told by other cancer survivors that every test or scan brings many days of anxiety and fear of what could be. I've now graduated to this group of "waiters". Once again, the joys of dealing with cancer never truly go away. When people say, "The scan was clear--no cancer!", it is a reason for celebration. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean there will be no more treatments or issues related to cancer.
I'm told I will get a baseline mammogram in September which the doctor has warned me will be "abnormal" based on all of the changes from surgery and treatment this year. I will see the chemo oncologist every three months for a while to check tumor markers, and we are counting on them being normal or below normal. That's the hope of all cancer survivors.
I would ask that you please keep praying for me and all of the cancer-treatment-related issues I'm still having. I feel like damaged goods at this point in my life, but I am so very thankful for those of you who love me anyway, warts and all.
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